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I’m tired of my mother always being the fucking victim. She lives her life guilt tripping anyone who comes in contact with her. It irritates me so much. I just feel like sticking her guilt down her own ears to see how she likes it. Even then she’ll probrably say how she holds back and her life is worse than she says. The day I leave will be the on of the best days of my life. I can’t stand her most of the time. Yes when were good were great and awesome but when we’re bad it goes to a little bit extreme. I say things that hurt and I know they hurt but in aurguments that’s all that’s in my mind and if I feel threatened my first instinct is to attack.

roylewatterz:

I’m wondering… I’ve got a male alter in my System, and have heard a lot about other male alters in female bodies, but I’ve never heard anything from a female in a male body.

Is there a female alter out there that wants to talk to me?

{Kitty}

I’ve had 3 female alters and I’m a guy. Two of them were very motherly and the other was an evil witch bitch. Any specific questions just ask.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot of how bad I use to be and how far I’ve come with the medication. I don’t like it. I miss some of my alters and the visions weren’t all bad. Some were truly simple and beautiful even. Yes none of it is real I know that but damn it I want it all back. Some say that it’s just the disorder talking but this disorder doesn’t speak for me unless an alter is in control. My friend, lets call her K, thinks that these disorders are all bad and too much of a liability to me and others. Who’s she to tell me how dangerous I am to anyone even myself. She thinks she knows everything about my disorder she really doesn’t. Just because it’s bad sometimes and for other people it’s bad doesn’t mean I’m miserable and dangerous. I’m perfectly fine without the medication a little loopy but dam it aren’t we all in some ways just that mine has a name. I need her to back off but I’ve given her too much lets say control because I’m taking my medication just so that she’ll leave me alone. At first it was just so that she could see how bad I am on the meds but because I had already been on it before so the beginning effect didn’t come up again. It’s too normal being on medication. When I want to decide something it’s by myself. I miss the back up of my alters they were there for me. Always there to comfort me and console me when I need it. I miss those days.

I don’t understand how people can be so depressed. Like I understand it and I don’t mean to be very assholy and demeaning but can’t you try a little harder. Like I understand the hardships of being schizophrenic and looking down on yourself or voices doing the same or having dissociative identity disorder and your alters talking shit to you or having bipolar disorder and for the pas week all you feel is depression but damn vent in ways that don’t hurt you. Yes I’ve experimented with cutting and the slice of the blade is comforting but after a while you should understand the damage it’s doing you. I never cut enough to really do much damage but I’ve cut enough for the to feel different things just go in a new light suing that moment. I’m just saying stay away from cutting and self harm. Paint or draw or write or do something worth your time and effort.

arainysundayevening:

Have you ever felt like there’s something behind you
Cause I feel like there’s something behind me just inches from my skin and ready to whisper into my right ear
And I’m too scared to turn around
Because what if something is there

I know how you feel. It’s always so scary but I’m a little psychotic and interested too much in my disease not to turn around and try to interact with the hallucination

With every passing moment I feel
I feel the visions surface
evolving from shadows and outlines
To full people with personalities
They speak without hesitation
Command what they do not own
Become me while fighting to surface
Out of me
Why join me when you can fight me
Andrews envy and jealousy
With Harlem’s anger and hatred
Join Leslie’s comforting but control
Accompanying Leon’s ostracizing
Willows evil Wanda’s caring
Companies by Charlie and Arnold’s childishness
I demand respect but do not deserve it
I have no control while they scream what they want like children
I do want them there but at what cost
My sanity my insanity
I love each one but do they the same
Even if not real they make up me
Deny them all you want but they are as real as you and me with bodies and thoughts of their own
We share a body and everything in it but it’s all mine and I know this
I don’t owe them anything and will fight to show them who’s the host not them not anyone else but me
With mental strength come maturity I already have and they will be locked within me until they learn how to act humane and powerful and kind and like me.